Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
