I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
