If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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