The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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