Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
