he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
