There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
