Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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