I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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