i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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