im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
