He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
