Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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