I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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