you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
