She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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