Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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