the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
