Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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