Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
