There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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