Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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