I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
