alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
