I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
