Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A bitchslap is in order.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
