At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
