Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
