my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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