Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
