i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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