Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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