New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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