its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
