i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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