just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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