about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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