I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
