This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
3pm strippers are depressing
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
