i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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