i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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