btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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