last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How does it feel to date your dad?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
