Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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