Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
