i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This house was built for laser tag.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can I color on your dick again?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
