On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole