Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink