At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.