Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
