Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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