I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
