her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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