I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
