I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
