Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
