So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
